Saturday, 18 June 2016

Recipe - Smoked Mackerel Pate

So when I was all 'each time it gets easier' re career fails and break ups and al that jazz - I stand by that, it does. But I rather over egged how chipper and optimistic I sounded about it. It's true that I wasn't feeling particularly miserable about either of those things but, less promisingly, the reason for that is all my energy was going into kick starting my will to live gene. Really hard to care about corporeal sadnesses when you're contending with the dull ache of the 'I just can't' feeling. The two are linked, but more in that when you feel like you just can't, a weird self preservation kicks in where you're aware that the risk imposed by regular sadness is too great so you make much better long term decisions. It's hard to stomach both not wanting to wake up and not wanting to go to work in the morning so it's easier to quit. But then, as the fog starts to lift, the regular sadnesses hit you in a very boring way because you were maybe hoping that had got swept away rather than just delayed. SO BORING. But, with feeling regular person sad, you also remember a capacity for feeling regular person happy too: I quit my job hooray // I'm going to Glastonbury // these new boots are perfect for outrageous flirting w Crate staff all summer. I even managed to cook fish pate twice this week (better than the photograph below looks) which now I think about it is really just like savoury fishy yoghurt.
Smoked mackerel pate (barely a recipe)
200g smoked mackerel, skin and bones removed
120ml creme fraiche
50g Philadelphia
1 tsp creamed horseradish
Handful of dill, finely chopped
Juice of half a lemon
Black pepper

Pulse everything to the dill together until an almost smooth consistency (or however coarse you like it). Add the lemon, pepper and dill. 

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